Tuesday, January 4, 2011

happy knee year

Hee-hee.....I crack myself up......literally!  For those that don't know, I blew my knee up on 12/29.  I had sent an email to work telling them of this, and was told I had a gift for writing comedy.  Here's that email-  

Last Wednesday, at about 7:30PM, I took our new puppy, Ruca (5 month old pit bull/labrador mix) out for a walk, and it was snowing.  I was walking down my driveway (which, as some may know, runs downhill as my house sits on the downward side of a hill) and moved to avoid a slippery patch of ice, and stepped onto my lawn - and into a slightly frozen over mud puddle, which I immediately broke thru.  I started sliding, standing up (and Ruca decides this is a race and starts running....), so in order to control the slide, I decided to sit  down.  (That will stop me and the dog, right?) Unfortunately, just as I reached the point of no return on sitting down, my right foot caught the end of the mud puddle too soon, and stopped forward motion, canting my foot to the right at about 45 degrees off center.  My butt contacted the mud/snow mix (at about terminal velocity I think.....) but still had  forward motion, as I did not lock my knee.  (can't lock my right knee- it's been replaced.)  So, my butt slides on the snow/mud mix, into the back of my right heel, putting my knee into a rather odd and not-designed for angle.  (For emphasis, turn your right foot outward at a 45 degree angle, and  then put your heel against your rear end.  See what your knee wants to do?)

KER-ACK!  Several words rhyming with "truck" , "jam" and "split" came out of my mouth at high volume.  I think I mentioned God.  I definitely scared the dog.  Not good.

Got back on my feet, and my knee felt really funny- wobbly.  Great. I know what that means.  I managed to get inside the house and upstairs to my kitchen; grabbed some Aleve; grabbed an Ace bandage; told my wife what happened (still didn't think it was terribly bad- just hurt) and went and laid down with an ice pack and watched some TV.  Fell asleep.  (that was weird)  Woke up 2 hours later, and it felt like I had been riding a bicycle uphill for a long ways.  Decided that I should probably assess the damage.

As soon as I put weight on it, I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.  The room became very bright, my vision went grey and I heard rushing water in my ears - I'm passing out???  No pain - oh, wait- there it is.  Like nothing I've ever felt before.  My knee is the size of a grapefruit (and about the same color, too)  It won't bend at all, and I'm afraid to  move in any direction.  Hearing the commotion, my wife came downstairs, says "You don't look good.  Oh, My, GOD- your knee..." and at that point my stomach decided to get in on the action and give back my dinner due to the pain.  I honestly don't remember much past this point- paramedics coming through the door; an ambulance ride to the emergency room on a VERY bumpy freeway; being asked if I wanted pain meds (my wife told them "yes" for me - good call) and I got some x-rays.  Called Jim at least once to say I wouldn’t be at work the next day.  I think I made some other calls to some of you, but I can’t remember very well.  (My apologies about that, but please understand that nothing I said will hold up in court.)

The x-rays say that it’s not broken, but they can't tell me what's wrong exactly with an x-ray.  They gave me Oxy and sent me home.  My wife made an appointment with Dr. XXXX, my orthopedist - can't see him until Monday.  I spent most of the holiday in a drugged-out haze just sleeping.

Yesterday, saw Dr. XXXXX, the orthopedist who did my right knee replacement back in 1999.  (Had a partial replacement done back then)  The fear is that I've done something that is going to require extensive surgery to fix. Turns out, I dislocated my knee (badly), I may have a slight tear in my vastus lateralis and a strained but not broken anterior crusceate ligament.  Thank God.  My appliance in my knee is completely undamaged and took the accident very, very well. Thank GOD!!!!!

Dr. XXXXX will now shoot you full of many, many drugs, and will play "Quarterback Sneak" where he will endeavor to run your right foot into the end-zone for 6 points, or to re-align your knee - whatever comes first.  (All I'll tell you is that this little maneuver - however painful you think it is - is much, much more painful than that.   Times 10.  And, yes, there were more rhyming words.)

have an MRI scheduled for later this week, and that will tell the tale of whatever surgery I may have to have- and it does seem likely that there will be some.  Absolutely no walking, lots of bed rest, lots of anti-inflammatory drugs, decrease the pain meds ; keep the knee iced and elevated.  I’m in an immobilizer from the top my ankle to my top of my hip until at least 1/12, barring any surgery.  I will be working from home until I can drive myself- which I do not think will be much before 1/16, but we will see.