no more dancing about.....

So, maybe I’ve talked too much about my death on December 13, 2023.  In my mind, I haven’t.  I don’t know too many people who have done what I did that day – oh, I do know one person, but that’s it, honestly, so you’ll permit me the “novelty” of that particular circumstance.

I’ve been dancing around a subject for a long, long time in reference to God and how He fits/didn’t fit into this equation, and I think it’s high time I spelled it out.  So, here we go, and I know I’m gonna catch some serious backlash from some of my more evangelical friends for this, but I have to be honest here.

A few weeks before I got sick, I started have some real, existential kind of issues with regards to God, the world and my place in it.  I’ve been saddened to watch a movement that I was very much a part of fall farther and farther away from the truth, and, was instead, embracing really sketchy ideas like how a rather infamous orange-colored human being was the actual second-coming of Christ and the pushing away of whole classes of people because of what they did or didn’t do in their bedrooms……all of this did nothing more but make the sour people more sour and the already distanced feel even farther away.  Never once did these people who fostered these “Q”uestionable stances (ahem...) realize that this over-indulgence in quasi-militaristic and wholly sociopathic stances on religion, life and politics didn’t bring one single person to a saving knowledge of anything – and even less so in the face of a worldwide pandemic and new, extremely violent wars.  This existential crisis of mine came to a head when one of my best friends, who I’ve known the entire span of his adult life and a good portion of my own, renounced his faith because his world had come crashing down around him of recent, and (I think) his feeling was that a loving God wouldn’t and shouldn’t let that happen in the first place.  I couldn't argue with his point.

And then, about a 6 weeks after my friend told me of his decision to leave the faith, I died.

I’m not being overly dramatic here- I literally ceased to have life.  No blood pressure, no respiration and no meaningful or effective heart beat for 8 minutes.  And all because a surgeon slipped and cut into my lung, nicked an artery along with a nerve in my leg during a completely mundane out-patient procedure.

And, here’s the thing: throughout this ordeal and the days that came after during some really trying recurring medical “fun”, God wasn’t there.

Let me say that again- GOD WASN’T THERE.

To give you some perspective, my entire life I thought I had heard and felt God on a number of occasions.  When my son, Stephen, died in 1991 for instance- He was there.  When my wife landed in the hospital in late December of 1992 all the way to March of 1993 in pre-term labor with my youngest daughter, Sarah (who just turned 31 the other day) He was there.  When my wife and I befriended her first hospital roommate who was pregnant and suffering terminal cervical cancer at the same time, He was there.  Or so I thought....

But, when I died - when I had been separated from the people and places that told me where and who God was by the absence of my life - He wasn’t there.  At all.  In an another incredibly stressful moment a few hours after I had left the ICU, early in the morning of December 15^th, I cried out to Him, literally.  What I got back was utter silence.  Not a word.  I was completely and totally alone. 

It was then that I knew.  The God that I have heard about and told others about during my life was a lie.

For the record, what I mean is that the God that has been pushed on us by a large portion of the Western church, does not in any, shape or form, exist.  Moreover, a lot of the trappings we’ve been taught about Him are equally false.  Specifically I mean the following:

·       The supposed “inerrancy” of Scripture;

·       The idea that we are supposed to be like Him to be a valid and successful believer;

·       The idea that conformance to Scripture is based on beliefs like how you dress, what you eat, who you hang out with (or don’t hang out with), daily Bible readings, participation in small groups, going to church every single week lest you “backslide”, the holidays you celebrate and the political figures you align with and/or vote for;

·       The idea that certain people and/or genders are not equal – or for some strange reason that it's ok to shun some of them altogether;

·       That there is a hell that those who don’t profess exactly what and how others say they need to profess their belief;

·       The trappings of Western theology like Arminianism vs. Calvinism, Pre- or Post-Tribulation viewpoints, Catholicism vs. Protestantism, or that groups like the Mormons and JW's are somehow evil, etc.;

All of these are absolute lies.  Completely and totally unprovable and untrue.

It took me staring right into the face of the Abyss and having it staring right back at me for me to realize how foolish we all have been in spreading and believing this garbage.  I have spent my entire life evangelizing others directly into the things I now rail against. It pains me to realize that I have been basically lying to others the whole time.  I hate the fact that I spent many years, many miles and a lot of time away from my wife and children in order to help spread these falsehoods.  I’ve stood in front of hundreds and even thousands of people on a number of occasions, telling them that God loves them and that He has a plan for their lives if they would just believe……

……and that just isn’t the truth.

So, what is the truth, then?  I mean, like, Marc- "What are we supposed to do, and how dare you have the arrogance to say these things- like you’re the only one to figure this out?" 

That is a very fair question to ask.

First off, God does exist.  I don’t doubt that, even for a pico-second.  Historically, it’s been proven that Jesus did exist, and there are stories from writers of that day that weren’t Christians that also tell of the “resurrection”, so I can accept that, too.  And I find that a God who loves us, wants the best from us and accepts a belief in Him that supersedes our actions (see Ephesians 2:8-9) extremely favorable.

However, I do not feel that that much of anything beyond the above mentioned items are real or truthful.  These are the things that the Western church has brought to bear on an otherwise simple concept, which is nothing more than love and redemption of others. 

God has no interest in dragging people down, nor does He have any interest in people living their lives one certain way.  To be “conformed to Christ” means for YOU to be like Christ TO OTHERS.  That means loving them and accepting them no matter what.  This is what I had been eluding to in an earlier post about how if you love someone, you have to accept them – and yes, that means you have to accept what they do, how they do it and who they do it with as part of that love, because God’s love is UNCONDITIONAL.  To say “love the sinner, hate the sin” is actually nothing more than a cop-out.  For instance, if and when that sinner fails on any level, your responsibility for love and acceptance is somehow absolved because you can and will blame the sin, say something like "I tried," and walk away.  God says to do the opposite- that’s the time you are supposed to double down and really dig in with them.

I find that the topics of inerrancy in scripture and hell to actually be the same topic.  All Western churches believe that once saved, we are new creations in Christ.  If that’s so, why is the church so concerned with dress, food, church attendance and politics?  You can’t go to hell if you’re saved, and one certainly doesn't go to hell for voting Democrat, despite what some may think. (and, btw- God doesn't give one single, solitary crap about US politics or anyone else's politics......and, no, God is neither Republican nor Democrat......and this country was never founded as Christian country, and the Founding Fathers were absolutely not Christians.......)  All the greatest theologians have agreed that no one has a complete handle on all aspects of Scripture, so who's "non-errancy" of Scripture is correct and should be followed?  Further, I and many others have had a difficult time believing that a loving God would send the majority of humanity to hell (remember- in terms of the entire world’s population, Christianity is a small number of people – in fact, in those terms you could just say that it’s a cult………) because they haven’t read the Bible or heard of Jesus.  John 3:16 says nothing more than Christians have assurance to eternal life- but it doesn't say that others don't, and John 14:6 doesn’t say that the act of coming to the Father through the Son has to happen in a certain timeframe or in a certain way.  In both cases, today's Christians are far too wrapped up in them for the wrong reasons, and honestly, use these two topics as nothing more than a control mechanism.  

Shunning people from your life and from knowing God- that is just wrong on every level. If you think that a certain church follows the correct teachings and knowledge of God regarding this hotbed subject, then you are in the midst of some pretty pharisaical thinking, my friend.  And, if I recall correctly, Jesus wasn’t terribly fond of those who were supposedly “in the know” like the Pharisees and Sadducees.  Instead, He favored and hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, transgender, LGBTQ+ and the like, rather than the "Supposedly Knowledgeable", who He instead referred to as a bunch of "white-washed sepulchers” or a “brood of vipers”.  It would seem the old adage, "You wouldn't know a snake if he bit you" might apply here.... 

God wants us to be Jesus to others, not tell others how to be Jesus, plain and simple.  There is a tremendous difference between these two concepts.  The reason that God wasn’t there for me at the time of my death was because I was looking for someone who wasn’t there.  When I was finally confronted with my own mortality and in a moment of serious, honest spiritual stress, the comfort and caring I was looking for wasn’t there, because I was leaning on those very things that I now know are untrue.  That entity with those personality traits doesn’t exist, and those things that I have stood on for a very, very long time wouldn’t let me see Him, because in that moment of utter mortality and being human; when all those things were swept away as I passed away- I had to find Him as He really is instead of what I thought and was told He was.

I know that I have probably deeply offended some by what I’ve said here.  I’ll not apologize, and I’ll also not say that you’re stupid for believing the way you do.  People may say things like "you're demon-possessed" or "you were never really a Christian if you believe things like that" or that I'm just "bitter"- go ahead and think and say whatever you like.  I already died once, so nothing anyone says or believes about me comes even close to a slight rise of beans, let alone a whole hill of them.  Live and let live.  For me, I understand now that it's more important than ever to just love and accept others, regardless of my hang-ups or the level of my non-comfort. 

And, I’m going to do just that.

And, as usual, let me hear your thoughts...